The Assertive Communication Style: Find Your Voice
How we communicate affects our experiences more than we think. As we allow ourselves to be more visible, we might experience shifts in past relationships or uncertainty of how to navigate new opportunities. Unfortunately, if speaking your truth has been a challenge in your life or you have been criticized about tone ( tone policed) or volume of speech, finding your authentic voice can bring up discomfort. It takes time and intentionality to harmonize the energy of our throat space, but it is worth it!
Some of us may have learned to use our voice as a weapon or to protect ourselves or others. If words have a history of creating harm or being weaponized against you or others, learning to infuse compassion into our speech may take awareness and practice.
It is not uncommon to lean into different styles of communication depending on circumstance and the audience. In places where we feel comfortable and safe, our emotional bodies will respond differently than when we are on edge. In effort to increase congruency with our inner experience and outer expression, It is helpful to have a general idea of where you tend to go regarding communication styles.
The five ways to communicate:
Verbally- spoken communication using words.
Non-Verbally- unspoken communication like facial expressions, body language, eye contact, etc.
Written- using words or written forms of communication.
Visually- communicating using images and graphics.
Listening- healthy conversations involve active listening or giving your full attention to whoever is speaking.
Communication styles:
Passive- when you avoid expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs to avoid potential conflict.
Passive-aggressive- when you appear passive but pair it with indirect anger or behavior that contradicts what you expressed.
Aggressive- when you express your thoughts and feelings in a hostile manner.
Assertiveness- when you confidently communicate in a direct and respectful manner.
Assertive communication is ideal because it’s clear and more direct. When using assertive communication, you speak from an empowered place. You can advocate for yourself while also acknowledging the needs and wants of others.
Here are a few ways to be more assertive:
Use direct words in your speech. Try to stay away from words that come off as uncertain or hesitant.
Practice conversations beforehand if you can to lessen any anxiety.
Honor your sacred "no".
Check the vibration of your voice. Ask for what you want and need in a firm, sure tone.
Respect and value your own thoughts and feelings by centering your needs.
If you find it challenging to find that sweet pot of assertive communication, here are techniques and practices that can help you navigate this.
Therapy.
Therapy can help you pinpoint beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts you may need to change to become a better communicator.
Use “I” Statements.
This will help increase confidence when it comes to expressing yourself.
Ritual.
Place one hand over your throat. Envision an open flow of light pouring from your vocal chords outward to the external world. Affirm: I speak my truth. I honor my voice.
Practice Saying “No.”
No is a complete sentence. When your answer or response is “no,” it’s okay to say it and mean it. Saying no builds confidence and also creates space for more genuine YES's to follow.
Learning to speak assertively will help you articulate your wants and needs better while also honoring the needs of others. It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable initially as you recalibrate the vibrational frequency of your throat . As you practice, you will learn to speak with more clarity and compassion, increases overall congruency of your inner and outer experiences.
with love
J
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